Right now it's only 10:30 and that hardly counts as insomnia. But for the past week (and most of my life) I've had difficulty sleeping. Difficulty falling asleep, difficulty staying asleep, it all sucks and leaves me exhausted. Last week I was on steroids for my sore throat which causes insomnia even though I was supposed to be sleeping and trying to get better. I feel better now (thanks drugs) but still have a feeling I won't be able to fall asleep.
Some might claim it's that I leave the TV on. But if I don't watch Simpsons and Futurama over and over and over, who will I ask? The communists? I think not. And when I try to sleep in pitch black silence all I can hear is my brain and that is not something I want to listen to. I hear about my car, my job, my finances, my living situation, boys I like, my weight, my diet, my past, my future, my insecurities. It's the worst. So I watch TV instead. But sometimes even Bart's shenanigans and Bender's burps can't drown out my crazy.
Like right now. I'm so very very tired from leaving the house today (for the first time in a week and a half that wasn't the doctor's office or grocery store). Four whole hours I spent walking around. My legs are sore right now, that's how sedentary I've been for the past 10 days. The good news is I have a fancy dress outfit (right down to the accessories) for my little brother's wedding next month. So now I lie awake and think about my complexion and my tan lines my hair and again my weight. I want to sleep and not worry about anything but instead I worry about everything. I know I'm not alone in this and for me writing gets the crazy out of my head and into the interwebs where no one will ever see it and it can't harm anyone. I assume.
So hopefully whatever I just took will kick in soon and I can shut it down. At least for a while.
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