Sunday, April 27, 2008

Converations with dumbasses.

This is an ACTUAL phone conversation I had at work today. Almost verbatim, I took notes as soon as it was over. This transcript is the conversation I had with the woman, but my co-worker Jennifer said she had all the same questions answered the same way before she asked for a manager. That meant it was my time to shine!

Jen: This woman requested a manager. I've answered all her questions at least three times, but she's just not getting it! She keeps asking if we're an ice cream shop and if we serve full meals. I don't think she's all there.

Vic: (despondent and on her break) Can't you just speak to her in a British accent and answer her questions again?

Jen: No, you need to talk to this one.

Vic: Fine. (Holds hand out for phone) (Suddenly peppy) Hi, this is Victoria, what can I do for you?

Wop: Hi. Yeah. Are you just an ice cream shop?

Vic: Well, we do sell our house made gelato, but we also serve sandwiches, soup, pastries, and espresso drinks.

Wop: So you don't have full meals?

Vic: I consider our soup and sandwich deal a full meal, especially if you have gelato for dessert.

Wop: Okay. So you serve a full breakfast, or lunch, or?

Vic: Not quite. We're just a café, but the sandwiches and soups are quite good.

Wop: So do you make full breakfasts, like eggs or anything like that?

Vic: We have our breakfast panini. It's a scrambled egg with sausage or ham and cheese on an English muffin that we grill. And we serve it all day.

Wop: Okay. So you're like an ice cream shop with snacks?

Vic: I don't think of our food as snacks, they're really filling.

Wop: So, no lunch or breakfast? Like appetizers or full meals?

Vic: (Laughing so far, now my voice has taken on a serious tone) Ma'am, we are a small café. We do not have a full working kitchen. We sell sandwiches and soups.

Wop: Okay. (Pause and sigh) I guess I'll call back later.

Vic: All right, you do that. Bye-bye. (Click) Idiot.

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