There's one in every crowd.

Last night was my first night back at unnamed restaurant (oh, you all know which one by now) after four glorious days away. I got multiple calls and texts asking me to pick up shifts, but I was busy working at my other job and simply didn't want to. I needed the time away. I always do my best work after some time off.

Last night was no different. I did have to use the excuse "Today is my Monday" more than a few times, but people were generally accepting of my foibles (as I can charm myself out of MOST situations) and the tips were rolling in.

To the couple that left me $20 on your $90 tab, thank you, thank you. You elicited a "THAT'S how it's done!" from me. And the family that left me $10 on $48, even though your fries were cold, I had a fresh, hot batch out to you in mere moments. And I did it all with a smile. So thank you for noticing and appreciating what I do.

But we all know what's lurking, don't we? There's always one.

To the man that left me ZERO on $108, that's not how it's done. I'm sorry I spilled a soda on you. I really am. I apologized profusely, if you recall. When you complained to my manager you told her you realize that people make mistakes (side note: I don't think you DO realize that) and that it wasn't about the money (another side note: I'm pretty sure it WAS about the money) but you felt I should've offered to pay for the soda. The $2.10 soda. And I admit, I was going to take the soda AND the grilled cheese off, just because I felt bad. Because I am human. But I forgot. I'm human, remember. Plus I had 9 other tables.

So I hope the satisfaction you felt walking away, leaving me nothing, just to teach me a lesson was worth it.

Because what I took away from the experience was this:
You're an asshole. Next time I see you, I'll give you the $2.10. Right after I spill another soda on you. This time it'll be on purpose.

Suck it.